tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794681331002911489.post8034267572719780818..comments2009-12-13T11:01:34.063-08:00Comments on 90 meetings in 90 days: Day 1, Meeting 1: The tingling lets you know it's workingKatie H.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13911974141341665142noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794681331002911489.post-74165849627922238842009-08-18T05:41:30.460-07:002009-08-18T05:41:30.460-07:00Katie,
I'm all teared up, both because so muc...Katie, <br />I'm all teared up, both because so much of what you've written resonates with me (my days are also shorter than everyone else's, and isn't it incredible how we can go from being centered adult women to quivering 12-year-olds in a lightning flash?!) and because I'm so damn proud of you for doing this! <br />Here's some advice I give myself, which I'm sure you already know but it bears repeating. At least, I repeat it to myself every day! When other people react in ways that slight us (as at the LA meeting) it's not about us, it's about them. I know there are times when people have greeted me with enthusiasm and I've been so wrapped up in my own (to steal from David Foster Wallace) skull-sized kingdom that I've barely said hello. It had nothing to do with the person greeting me and everything to do with my own shit, yet I may very well have hurt someone's feelings, because, in their skull-sized kingdom, I have snubbed them. The actress, whomever she may be, had her own reasons for turning away from you and they had nothing to do with you! Maybe she hadn't seen her cat in three days and was preoccupied with Fluffy Muffin. Maybe you reminded her on some subconscious level of her cousin Sally back in Iowa who used to tease her and make her eat mud filled with cow dung. Or maybe she's so used to shutting people out (because how else can you even begin to function when you're in the public eye?) that it's her default setting. And maybe your default setting is to be hurt by it and to recoil. But what if you were to just feel really sad for her, because whatever closed her off to you is a symbol of her own pain?<br />My first memory of you is this: We were all standing around in the airport, waiting to board a plane. People were frustrated and tired because it was late at night and it was a red eye and it had been a long week at work. Nobody was talking to each other, except to grumble about how miserable they were. The only exception was this beautiful woman with a big smile and a contagious laugh who'd struck up conversation with strangers. Although we didn't yet know that we were headed to the same place to see the same group of friends, I was one of those strangers. It was like you were this bright light and everyone in proximity keyed into that and opened up to talk to you (and you sure didn't need alcohol to do that!). Sometimes it's necessary to put up a sheild, and it's good to develop the skill to know when you need that, but we're friends now because of the openness with which you engage with the world around you. Don't lose that! Retreat when you need to, for your own sake, but never out of fear. Stay gold, Katie, stay gold!<br />-SayzieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com