Day 7, Meeting 7: I love you a bushel and a peck

I met with my sponsor today over coffee. Our second meeting. I think she is so great. Rode my bike there. Was totally looking forward to it. I'm beginning to untangle some of the conflicting feelings I've had about getting sober, being selfish and motivated by self-will and doing what's best for myself so that I'm healthy. The reading has been challenging and dense. My sponsor assured me this will get easier and that it's normal. Slowly, I begin to trust this program.

I am in the process of creating a "List of Unmanageability" as part of a Step 1 exercise. I assure you this is not fun. Listing all the ways that alcohol has made my life unmanageable when sober and not sober. Hmmm, I thought I wouldn't have to recall all this stuff at least when it was happening. It's not chronological but more in the order I can remember. So in some ways, I wonder if I can recall all of it. So many blackouts, I have no idea what happened during those periods.

Today, I had a beautiful lunch with my best friend from high school, his perfect, amazing 2 yr old son who I just adore, his mom and my man-friend. I felt such a lovely sense of bliss sitting there relaxed with my dearest friends. Eating delicious food straight from the garden. Lolling in my own exhaustion, content and loved. Feeling as though I can find peace in sobriety when surrounded by people who are sober.

Went to a meeting that had been recommended by my first sponsor. This meeting featured a speaker that had had 10 yrs or more. It was massive and everyone went around and gave their sobriety dates which was super cool. I didn't share. I listened. And people weren't super friendly. To the regulars they were. I reached out to a few folks and then scurried away. Happy I went to a meeting, I was greeted with pizza when I got home: mushroom and pepperoni, thank you, man-friend. I love you.