I won't quit, I'm determined to finish but I have to say these late night entries are wearing on me a little bit. But I certainly have begun to feel the positive effects of going to a meeting every day. It's amazing the difference consciously building your day around a meeting makes. I do feel better overall. But going to meetings every day has become very time-consuming. I am lucky to have a supportive boyfriend but I have to say it's put a strain on us a little bit.
The meeting I went to tonight was my usual Friday meeting. I was sharing the literature commitment with someone and they left so then she got replaced by someone else. I was becoming friends with the last person so I was a bit bummed. This is a women's meeting, a large one. I found I couldn't sit still tonight for the life of me. My nose was runny and I had to pee then I was hungry and needed a cup of water. The last time I was at this meeting last week, I went upstairs and talked to my old coworker for 15 minutes. Maybe it's time to find a new Friday night meeting. When my commitment is over maybe I will.
I saw my old sponsor tonight and it was good. I found I wasn't resentful and it was actually really good to see her as I have been wanting to call her. We broke up because she went out of town to get married and take the BAR exam and stood me up on a phone appointment and just wasn't really available overall. She never answered her phone and yet, I had to leave 3 things I was grateful for every day on her Voicemail. We had an understanding but after a little while I wanted more engagement but she was studying for the BAR. She was sort of a temporary sponsor anyways in my mind. We had laughed about how we were both late to everything so I thought it would work out to have someone slack but then I realized I actually wanted more structure. And I was excited to work the program and wanted a sponsor to do that with me actively not passively.
I have to work again tomorrow. I had a fairly good day but had trouble concentrating. Work is a drag. I had a time management webinar today and it just made me feel worse about how unmanageable my workload has become.
I'm exhausted and I need to do my homework for my current sponsor. Til tomorrow;)