I am in the process of creating a "List of Unmanageability" as part of a Step 1 exercise. I assure you this is not fun. Listing all the ways that alcohol has made my life unmanageable when sober and not sober. Hmmm, I thought I wouldn't have to recall all this stuff at least when it was happening. It's not chronological but more in the order I can remember. So in some ways, I wonder if I can recall all of it. So many blackouts, I have no idea what happened during those periods.
Today, I had a beautiful lunch with my best friend from high school, his perfect, amazing 2 yr old son who I just adore, his mom and my man-friend. I felt such a lovely sense of bliss sitting there relaxed with my dearest friends. Eating delicious food straight from the garden. Lolling in my own exhaustion, content and loved. Feeling as though I can find peace in sobriety when surrounded by people who are sober.
Went to a meeting that had been recommended by my first sponsor. This meeting featured a speaker that had had 10 yrs or more. It was massive and everyone went around and gave their sobriety dates which was super cool. I didn't share. I listened. And people weren't super friendly. To the regulars they were. I reached out to a few folks and then scurried away. Happy I went to a meeting, I was greeted with pizza when I got home: mushroom and pepperoni, thank you, man-friend. I love you.