Today I felt movement. Movement due to my efforts at letting go and spiritual surrender. I feel close to finding an apartment but understanding if it's not ready to happen yet. I feel solid in my relationship and that things will work out with the man I love if that is what is supposed to be. These are Good.
I spent the day puttering around to my absolute delight. Doing whatever I wanted in my space. Breakfast with the manfriend, looking at an apartment (fingers crossed), meeting with my sponsor, vacuuming, spot-cleaning my carpet, watching football, hanging out with the roomies, playing with the cat, reading, napping, organizing and applying for apartments. Waking from my nap to the sound of rain outside on the windows. I love these types of days. It was full and I felt Good.
I've spent some time in the last few days mulling over my Higher Power. What It is and what It isn't. Being fearful of it working and the success of this program. Today I was so overwhelmed with how I've surrendered and things are starting to move and shift and open. The release is a relief after feeling so stagnant. And it's amazing because nothing has really even happened yet but I can still feel a transformation. For today.
I went to a meditation meeting as I have been assigned to meditate and begin a more regular spiritual practice. I used to have one before but I haven't begun again since entering the program. We meditated by candlelight listening to the rain outside sitting high above the Outer Mission. Very cool. I shared. Was a little impatient toward the end because I didn't know what time it was and it went over but it was a good meeting and close to my house which is nice. I found myself feeling the closest to the neighborhood that I live in for the first time and a little sad that I'm trying to move to the East Bay and get my own place. But it was okay. And it will be okay. Good stuff.